For queer parents, the nuances of family structure, identity, and relationships can feel especially daunting to explain. You might wonder:

• How do I help my child understand why they have two moms, two dads, or a gender-expansive parent when most of their friends don’t?

• How do I explain that we live together but aren’t romantically involved?

Inside these questions are an underlying assumption: that the confusion kids experience when faced with nuance is a problem. But here’s the truth—confusion isn’t a problem.

Often, adults are projecting their own discomfort around feeling confused. And they are not alone. Many adults have a hard time tolerating the feelings surrounding confusion. It might evoke feelings of shame, stemming from a belief that they "should" already have all the answers, or trigger fear of the unknown, making uncertainty feel threatening rather than an opportunity for growth.

But kids are learning machines. A lot is confusing to them. They’re constantly encountering things they don’t fully understand yet, and that’s okay. Life is full of complexity that can’t always be simplified in ways they’ll immediately grasp. While childhood development & stages is beyond the scope of my expertise, and I can’t tell you what’s appropriate to share with your child at different ages, what I do know, is that confusion is a lifelong gift. The discomfort can be hard, but there is so much opportunity in embracing confusion.

The Gifts of Confusion 

When we view confusion as an opportunity instead of a problem, it becomes a powerful tool for growth.

If more people were willing to sit with the discomfort of confusion and develop a tolerance for nuance, the world be a better place:

Better Conflict Resolution

Confusion often arises in disagreements or misunderstandings. When people embrace nuance, they can move beyond black-and-white thinking to truly understand others' perspectives.

Greater Empathy and Connection

A willingness to explore complexity leads to a deeper understanding of others’ experiences, even if they differ from our own. This allows people to approach relationships, communities, and global issues with more compassion and less judgment, creating stronger bonds and reducing divisiveness.

Improved Decision-Making

Decisions made in haste or based on oversimplified narratives often miss important context. Sitting with confusion encourages critical thinking and a broader view. This leads to more thoughtful policies, better leadership, and personal decisions that take long-term consequences into account.

Innovation and Creativity

Confusion can lead to curiosity, and curiosity drives exploration. When people embrace the unknown, they’re more likely to think outside the box. This leads to breakthroughs in science, technology, and art; new ways of addressing challenges; and creative solutions to complex problems.

More Inclusive Communities 

Nuance helps us understand that identities, experiences, and relationships are diverse and multifaceted. This dismantles stereotypes and broadens acceptance. This leads to a world where more people feel seen, valued, and included, regardless of how their lives or beliefs differ from the mainstream.

Resilience in Uncertainty

Life is inherently uncertain, and those who can sit with ambiguity are less likely to react out of fear or desperation. This leads to a society more capable of navigating crises, adapting to change, and thriving in uncertain circumstances.

Reduced Polarization

Binary thinking fuels division, while nuanced understanding fosters bridges between differing opinions. A higher tolerance for the discomfort of feeling confused can lead to healthier political discourse, less ideological extremism, and a focus on shared goals rather than divisive rhetoric.

A Better Relationship with Ourselves

People often feel conflicted within themselves, especially when faced with complex emotions or choices. Embracing confusion helps integrate these internal struggles. Leading to more self-compassion, better mental health, and a stronger ability to grow and evolve authentically.

Lifelong Learning

Accepting confusion as part of the learning process encourages curiosity and humility, fostering a growth mindset. This leads to a world full of individuals who are open to evolving, learning from each other, and improving themselves continuously. This can lead to industry-level excellence—where leaders manage teams more effectively, IT professionals solve complex problems with creativity, engineers innovate smarter solutions, and educators, healthcare providers, and entrepreneurs excel through adaptability and collaboration.

Closing Thought: 

Confusion isn’t the enemy—it’s an opportunity. When more people lean into the discomfort of not knowing, we gain richer insights, stronger connections, and a deeper capacity to thrive together. In a world increasingly demanding quick answers and certainty, the ability to sit with confusion may just be one of the most transformative skill we can cultivate.